Youtube toy reviews. I really, truly, utterly despise them. It's not the bad camerawork. It's not the monotone, bored voices of people who've never left a basement. It is not the aggravatingly chirpy reviewers wishing they were television presenters, but lack of scripting and/or comedic improv. skills holds them painfully back in their attempts to make me smile.
It's the way they have no idea what to do with the medium they are reviewing in.
I do not wish to listen to ten minutes of someone describing in painstaking detail the appearance of the toy I can see, plain as day, on the screen in front of me. I do not wish to be told how wonderful the disposable packaging is. I do not wish to have the blurb on the box read to me when I can read it myself. I do not wish to impatiently skip to the end of a 15 minute review before the reviewer finally spins the toy a full 360 degrees, zooms in a bit and names any flaws.
I want to watch a review. I want to have flaws concisely pointed out to me. I want to know the toy's limitations. I want to hear the reviewer's thoughts on how durable the toy is, or whether it is worth my cash. This takes five minutes at the very most. I am not your friend. I am not a blind orphan who wishes to be told the wonder of articulated plastic.
It's precisely the problem you get with people who write movie review blogs. You can spot the amateurs in that they will give you a several thousand word plot synopsis rather than a critical evaluation. Blargh.
Rant over. Go about your business. Making snarky youtube comments on toy reviews, obviously. That's what I plan to do.
And the WORST BIT IS THAT THEY'RE ALL FRAKKING EIGHT YEAR OLDS.